


Sarek and Chris's Home for the Illogical and Unwanted

by MarchForOurGays



Series: Children, They Bring You to the Brink of Insanity and Illogicality [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU in where Sarek and Chris just adopt everyone, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Giving the Sex Talk to Horny Teens makes for GREAT comedy, Multi, Sarek And Christopher Pike Are Good Dads, Sarek and Chris the Femminists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 01:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15159527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarchForOurGays/pseuds/MarchForOurGays
Summary: Sarek sits at the dinner table, pushing around his plomeek with the white fine china spoon, thoughts wandering to illogical things such as Amanda, who would belittle him for playing with his food."It's gonna get cold honey,"She would say, smiling before turning to speak to Spock about how his day was at school.Surak, he misses her.Breaking him out of his thoughts, Sarek looks up from his half-forgotten bowl of plomeek to see not only Spock, but a boy with gold hair and crystal blue eyes of about Spock's age, twelve, eating a slice of greasy pepperoni pizza smiling and laughing at Spock, who had the vulcan equivalent of glee on his face.Sarek clears his throat so that the boys turn to look at him and stop talking. They do, Sarek speaks before Spock opens his mouth."Spock, who is this?" Spock looks sheepish before responding. "This is Jim, father, he's living with us now,"Or, Sarek and soon enough, Chris Pike adopt everyone from the Enterprise as their own. Shenanigans ensue.





	Sarek and Chris's Home for the Illogical and Unwanted

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!!! 
> 
> I had a spark of inspiration for this fic yesterday and I really wanted it to come into fruition and I'm really happy with how this turned out! Oh, and also, Amanda is dead in this, basically for a) plot development and b) her passing is the reason Sarek adopt Jim and then everyone else in the first place. Michael is not in this either, I'm sad to say.
> 
> I also want to note that Sarek and Chris's relationship in this fic is completely platonic, they do love each other, but in a way that is not sexual and is born because of their friendship in the past, and their love for their kids. This story is mainly from the POV of the two of them and I wanted to show Sarek moving on without re-marrying again and that you can still raise a family with a domestic co-parent/partner in the close friend sense.
> 
> With nothing else to say, enjoy and thank you for reading!!

 

 

Sarek sits at the dinner table, pushing around his plomeek with the white fine china spoon, thoughts wandering to illogical things such as Amanda, who would belittle him for playing with his food. _"It's gonna get cold honey,"_ She would say, smiling before turning to speak to Spock about how his day was at school.

 

Surak, he misses her.

 

Breaking him out of his thoughts, Sarek looks up from his half-forgotten bowl of plomeek to see not only Spock, but a boy with gold hair and crystal blue eyes of about Spock's age, twelve, eating a slice of greasy pepperoni pizza smiling and laughing at Spock, who had the vulcan equivalent of glee on his face.

 

Sarek clears his throat so that the boys turn to look at him and stop talking. They do, Sarek speaks before Spock opens his mouth. "Spock, who is this?"

 

Spock looks sheepish before responding. "This is Jim, father, he's living with us now," 

 

Sarek lets out a very un-vulcan like sigh. The other boy, Jim, looks down at his plate, then looks up at Sarek with sad eyes. Eyes, that Sarek can tell have seen much more than a twelve-year-old boy should have seen. Sarek also notices that Jim is very pale, skinny and gaunt, and the boy shakes more than any other human being Sarek has ever seen. The boy speaks to Sarek with the upmost respect but his voice is soft and scared. Sarek thinks of Amanda and what she would think of the boy.

 

"I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to intrude on your's and Spock's family. I'll just go," Jim starts to get up from the dining table, body stiff with rejection before Sarek puts his hand on Jim's arm. He's made his decision. 

 

"Jim. Please stay. Spock and I need the company probably, he has always wanted a brother," Sarek gets up and walks around the table to the boy and faces him, set with a reassuring gaze and a small smile. Jim meets Sarek's eyes with tears in his own before grabbing Sarek in a tight hug, which reminds Sarek even more of Amanda. The boy feels like a feather, so delicate that if Sarek were to hug back with around half of his Vulcan strength, he would probably break the boy in two. Even so, Sarek returns the hug with a gentle touch, to not scare the boy. Over Jim's shoulder Sarek sees Spock look on at the scene with a very human-like smile, teeth and all on his face. Sarek is glad he's made his son happy, This Jim obviously is very close with his son, and it is obvious to Sarek that Spock has a very personal attachment with the boy. Breaking the hug, Sarek takes Jim and Spock's hands in his own before taking both boys up the stairs and onto the second floor of the very large house that only Sarek and Spock occupied. But, with a new permanent occupant, they have to find a room amongst the fourteen they have (again, it's a  _very_ big house) Jim, expectedly, chooses the room right next to Spock's.

 

Unexpectedly, the next morning, he finds Jim in Spock's bed, snuggled on Spock's chest, with Spock's arms wrapped around Jim protectively, as if Spock was protecting him from the world and everyone in it. Sarek then begins to suspect that the boys hold something for each other that is  _more_ than friendship. He doesn't care that they're gay, bisexual, or pansexual,  All Sarek wants is to  _not_  deal with broken hearts and tears down the road but, for now. He keeps his thoughts to himself as he makes the boys breakfast and watches them quietly talk in the bay window so much like Amanda and him when they were both young. 

 

Sarek keeps a small, private smile on his face for the rest of the day, the boys don't notice.

 

After a few weeks of Jim getting settled, Sarek telling Spock and Jim's school that yes, James Tiberius Kirk is living with him now, and that Sarek has assumed full guardianship of the boy. Jim cried when Sarek told him he was his legal guardian now.

 

Around two months after that Sarek hears Jim say " _ponfo miran"_   when the knife he's holding slips and he says the _very_ Vulcan curse word. All Sarek thinks about for the next few days is when did Jim learn to speak Vulcan and _how_ did he learn to speak it so fluently so fast.

 

Sarek also doesn't know when Jim starts calling him  _sa-mekh_ either, he just gets to accustomed to both Spock and Jim calling him that. 

 

Six months later, Christopher Pike arrives at the house, battered, bruised, and looking a little worse for wear. When Jim answered the door Sarek almost let out and illogical bark of laughter at his old friend's face seeing another child in the house, and apparently living there. Sarek is still trying to repress his laughter as he guides his old friend into his study before pouring Chris a glass of fine imported islay malt scotch, a favorite of Chris's.

 

He downs the glass before looking at his friend with incredulity, "Uh, Sarek, you do know you've got another kid in the house that doesn't have pointy ears right?" Sarek raises his eyebrow at Chris before replying "Yes, I do know that another child is living here, his name is James. Jim he goes by, preferably. He's been living here for six months, if you have not noticed," And, honestly, who says that Vulcans have no sense of humor? 

 

Chris lets out a bark of laughter before wincing and grabbing his rib-cage in pain. Sarek sighs and fills up Chris's glass with two fingers of scotch again before staring down his friend and raises his eyebrow higher. 

 

"This is not the first time this has happened Christopher," Both men recall silently the times Chris has come to Sarek's doorstep bloody, with multiple injuries and dark circles under his eyes. But every time, Chris goes. Goes back to his captaincy, and the trappings, stress, and self-sacrificing involved with having a silver chair and three hundred people to command on a ship you call your own.

 

"I know," Chris says with a long drawn-out sigh before mockingly laughing at himself, "I would quit, or become an Admiral, they've offered me the position, probably out of pity, but I have no place to go, Sarek, no place to live, the only places that feel like home are my ship with the shitty beds, hard hours, and difficult people. And yours, with your warmer than earth atmosphere, kindness, and friendship. This is home." Chris says with conviction in his eyes. Sarek looks at his friend before speaking with finality.

 

"Than home you shall stay, Christopher." Chris smiles before downing his second drink of the night. He sends his resignation form in the next day, they offer him an Admirality position, he declines, giving an explanation saying "I always wanted to stay at home with my kids, now I get to do so," He moves into the room next to Sarek's. The boys start calling him  _Dad_.

 

 _This,_ Chris thinks  _is better than any silver chair._

 

One year after Jim moves in and six months after Chris does, Jim brings home during breakfast two more boys both the same age as he and Spock. One, a southern gentleman who has excellent training in first aid and an excellent understanding of xenobiology, the other boy, who seems like he's always covered in motor grease and protective goggles on his head, with a disposition towards fixing everything in the house, both boys seem joined at the hip, Jim introduces them as Scotty and Bones, Spock corrects Jim and says that Bones's name is Leonard. Chris sighs into his coffee and Sarek just turns to make another two servings of pancakes while Jim and Spock take both boys upstairs to choose which bedrooms they want. Scotty immediately goes into the depths of the house to try to upgrade as many things as he can. Sarek doesn't mind, he needs the updates badly. Leonard, or Bones uses his room as an actual doctors office, he sleeps with Scotty anyways, getting antibiotics from god knows where and checking people's health regularly, Sarek notices that Leonard likes to give Jim many more hypo shots than the rest of the house, Sarek guesses that it's only because of Jim's hatred towards the shots. Sarek tries to repress laughter when Jim goes sliding down the hall in his socks, with Leonard on his tail with multiple hypos in his hands. Chris laughs for him.

 

Surprisingly, when Sarek has to go to earth for an important meeting (he still has a job, you know) he brings two girls around Jim and Spock's age home, one, with dark skin, chocolate brown eyes, and speaks over a hundred different languages, all the boys are intimidated by her immediately. Good, Sarek thinks, it's about time a girl ruled the roost. The other girl, Carol, in which her last name gave Chris a pause before laughing and enveloping the small, frail girl in a hug before saying quietly into her ear, "He didn't deserve you sweetheart," which makes Carol start sobbing even more. Chris carried her off to bed that night before kissing her on the head and shutting the door and crying in Sarek's study in front of his friend while he hands Chris a glass of scotch and a mug full of hot chocolate for him. They both sleep in the study that night, Jim takes pictures for blackmail on Spock's insistence. Sarek hacks Jim's PADD and deletes all of them. Jim looks dismayed at breakfast the next day.

 

During a trip to earth with all of the kids, while at the Hirshhorn museum and Sculpture garden, Nyota wanders off for around two hours while Sarek and Chris are frantically searching for her throughout this time before discovering her hidden behind a large azalea bush with a young Asian boy, dressed like Tarzan, Sarek did not get the reference Chris made but shook his head and took the boy named Hikaru Sulu's hand and took him to a store called Target before going back to the private villa they had rented. To Chris's chagrin, Jim, Bones, Scotty, and Hikaru made 'Alex from Target' meme references all the way in the shuttle to Russia.

 

In Russia, besides vodka, in which all of the kids used Chris's credit card to buy two gallons of vodka, plastic cups, cranberry juice, club soda, and chocolate syrup. Both parents went to the boy's hotel room to see all of the fifteen year olds passed out, draped over beds and lounge chairs, snoring _very_ loudly which almost shakes the hotel. Leonard, Spock, and Jim had cartoon penises drawn all over their faces in permanent marker, obviously held in Scotty's hand. 

 

Sarek lets Chris do collateral, which means running to the pharmacy for three bottles of Advil, seven pairs of sunglasses, and paying the hotel to make the breakfast buffet private and filled with the greasiest food and lots of sodas, teas, and coffee that makes Sarek's stomach crawl when he smells the buffet. The kids love the buffet and Sarek, over the horde of hungry teenagers gives Chris a look that says  _I owe you one._ Chris just laughs and raises his coffee cup in Sarek's direction, who is currently taking care of Spock and trying, and failing to not have him puke all over the expensive lounge seats.

 

Let's just say, Sarek tips the hotel staff  _very_ generously.

 

A couple days later, all hangovers mostly cured, the whole family sets out on a tour of Saint Petersburg, they come across a very old orphanage. Sarek and Chris being Sarek and Chris, step into the orphanage and come out twenty minutes later with a small boy of about eleven. The entire group fawn over the little boy with soft blonde curls and hazel-green eyes.

 

"His name is Pavel," Sarek says to the group of teens, and Pavel is immediately grabbed and stays on Nyota's hip for the rest of the day. Later that night, Chris makes Sarek promise  _no more kids, eight is enough dammit._ Sarek finally agrees before towing everyone back to Vulcan to begin the schooling of Pavel, endearingly nick-named Pasha, and Hikaru.

 

Around a couple of months later, Sarek bursts into Chris's room late at night, startling the other man, who, thankfully, was awake at the time and barked with laughter at his old friend and co-parent whose eyes were as wide as saucers, before Chris could ask what the kids had done now, he heard a headboard bang against the wall. Sighing, Chris went over to the main bathroom he and Sarek shared and rummaging around in a cabinet on the bottom shelf before coming out with a tube of medical-grade lubricant and a condom. Sarek raised his eyebrows in question at his friend. Chris chuckled before explaining, " They're sixteen Sarek, I pretty much knew sooner or later this would happen. I'm surprised that they made it this long without having sex." Chris shrugged his shoulders before padding quietly out of the room, pausing, then knocked on Jim and Spock's door before running like hell back to his room panting and saying "They'll thank me later," before getting back in bed and then hearing a door opening and a frantic "Thanks Dad!" before hearing the door slam and Leonard yelling from his room, "Shut the hell up! You're waking up the entire planet with your moaning Jim!" Faintly, Chris and Sarek can hear a vulcan-like growl and a "Fuck OFF Bones!" from Jim then Leonard's southern cackling from down the hall.  _Teenagers_ Chris and Sarek think simultaneously.

 

The next morning after seeing bite marks on the back of Jim's neck and his  _very_ prominent limp causes money to exchange in Scotty and Hikaru's hands and Sarek to murmur to Chris while they're getting their respective cup of coffee and tea "At least we know who the bottom is," Which causes Chris to spit out his coffee and Sarek to chuckle at Chris's grumbling of expletives as he cleans up the puddle of coffee and saliva on the counter.

 

Although, the ensuing sex talk to Jim and Spock be thankful he didn't have coffee then because he would have suffocated by laughing so hard at the embarrassed teens faces when Sarek was describing foreplay and how it is very important in the bedroom was probably one of the best moments in Chris's life. 

 

The domestic tranquility was chaotic to say the least, from horny teens, and fights that are mainly screaming expletives from each other's rooms, to all-out prank wars in which Spock  _and_ Sarek both had bleach-blonde hair for a month, and to the mischievous of-age kids who would by alcohol and throw a party and everyone would get shit-faced. The morning after, Chris would be holding a bottle of Advil, eight pairs of sunglasses, and Sarek would have ordered pizza, pancakes, burgers, and powerade waiting on the table downstairs at one 'o'clock in the afternoon. 

 

School was a huge part of daily life at the Pike-Kirk-McCoy-Scott-Uhura-Marcus-Sulu-Chekov household and, as time crawled nearer, all kids only submitted their applications to one place.

 

Starfleet Academy. 

 

Both Chris and Sarek were extremely supportive in their children's decision to all apply for the same school although, they were sad as to not having any of the children down the hall from them, just twenty feet away at all times. As soon as all of the kids got back their acceptance letters there was a lot of screaming, crying, and hugging going on from every one, including the Vulcans who showed emotion in front of their family Sarek looked at Spock and whispered to him that his mother would be so proud of him and the family that they have built together. Spock smiled through tears before being drug into a kiss by Jim while Chris and Sarek looked along at the happy couple with happy faces.

 

As a celebration, Sarek booked Risa's most popular hotel and nightclub out for the kids as a graduation present. The kids screamed before packing their bags and heading off to the shuttle with Chris and Sarek yelling at them as they went out the door, "Be safe," and "USE PROTECTION!" you can guess which parent said which phrase.

 

Making his way to the study with chocolate vodka in hand, Chris pushes the door open with his foot before dumping the alcohol on Sarek's desk. Sarek looked up from his PADD with a raised eyebrow before saying nothing and grabbing a glass and dumping a good two shots into it while Chris helped himself before both men raised their glasses and smiled.

 

"To accomplishing the unnaccomplishable," Chris said 

 

"To having the most chaotic, loving, generous, happy family in all the cosmos," Sarek replied, before both men downed their alcohol in one go and reaching for the bottle for a second round. 

 

"You're not sad that they're leaving, I see," Chris noticed before the wheels turned in his old brain finally figuring out what Sarek had been planning for the past two weeks behind the doors of his office.

 

"You bought another fucking house didn't you," Chris raised his own eyebrow replying to Sarek's 

 

"Only twenty minutes away from Starfleet Academy," Sarek confirmed with a subtle smirk. Chris cackled with laughter. 

 

"Are we gonna tell them?" Chris asked, and evil plan forming in his mind, "Or we could just let it be a surprise," Sarek let out a chuckle, "I was thinking the same thing Christopher," Chris cackled again before saying in between laughs "We're really evil aren't we?" Chris saw a smile light up in Sarek's eyes full of warmth and joy.

 

"I believe we are"

 

          

**Author's Note:**

> A (1) in my Inbox is all I need in life


End file.
